I’ll be posting some stories from families who have lived with a loved one’s addiction. I saw this lady post in a group and she gave me permission to share this in a blog. I knew how much she had to give to others.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Please pop your thoughts and feelings in the comments below the post so she can check back and see how she has helped.
So, today is my Dad’s funeral.
A sad day for any Daughter that loses her dad but you see, my Dad was a CHRONIC alcohol most of my life.
Growing up with him as my father was horrible, not gonna lie.
My only memories of him is being drunk out his face, coming round by where I lived, and me being embarrassed and running away with my friends and hiding! That is the ONLY word I can use to express how I felt about him, Embarrassed.
Come the age of 17, I’d had enough of him and never saw him again until (fast-forward) 15 years later, when he contacted my mum to let her know that he was sober and asked if I want to see him, along with my sister.
To be honest I had lost all kind of respect for him but, me being me, I thought, ‘You know what? I’ll do it.’
But… it was only for his sake. After all…why would I need him now after all these years of nothing.
So, that was it. I met my sober dad for the first time ever in my life, aged 33ish.
It was very strange to begin with. I liked the idea of having a ‘dad’ but the reality was very different.
I just couldn’t help but see these memories of him being drunk and doing my head in. It took a long time to trust him as well.
He wanted to meet my daughter but, at the time, she was only young and I thought, ‘No.’ This is about ME and YOU. Bringing my daughter into the equation would’ve been far too much for me (emotionally) and she had a very good relationship with her step-grandad anyway from a baby, so why jeopardise that?
He did get a bit funny about it, but I stayed strong and just said, ‘Look, when she is older and we have established a relationship then, ok, yes, you can meet her. Right now she is too young to take it all in.’
If I’m honest peeps, I think I was a bit embarrassed still if that makes sense?
Fast-forward a few years, we stayed in contact. I’d go round and visit him and everything was fine.
Then I’m not sure what happened but we had a falling out. I think he got back into his selfish ways and started telling me things (family stuff) that could’ve damaged me but didn’t . (I already had an idea anyway..nothing too serious btw).
Then, he started to have a go at me about not letting him meet him daughter and so, for about a year or so, we hardly spoke. Anyway. We became friends again and carried on.
But here’s the thing. I would say that even though we were in contact for around 10 years, it’s only been the last 2 that we had become really close.
I soon realised where I get my personality from and my ‘wild side’ from LOL and then it would be like, ‘Wow dad, we really are like 2 peas in a pod’.
I can say finally I felt proud of him being my dad! It was brilliant!
I used to feel sad looking at him playing his guitar (he was a master on the guitar). I thought, ‘What a shame. He could’ve taught me to play when I was younger’.
I thought about how much of a laugh we’d have had if we ever were to have gone to a pub for a pint together (had he not been an alcoholic) and that we would’ve had great times together had he not have drank…
So here I am today. Dreading the day ahead as it’s time for me to say goodbye.
The fact that he lived this long is a miracle in itself, because when I say he was chronic, I mean chronic. He was very close to death just before he stopped.
And so… the main point of me sharing this with you all is please… If you are struggling to come off drink or drugs and you have children and it is affecting your relationship with them, please don’t wait to change until it’s ‘too late’.
My dad was lucky in the sense that he, for one, didn’t die sooner before getting the contact with me that he did.
Also, that I didn’t let his alcoholism stand in the way of us both.
I let him back into my life.
Not all people are like that. Some children might be like, ‘Fuck you!’ and hold a grudge and I would HATE that to happen to any of you!
I feel lucky that we were able to finally be able to connect the way that we did, but, I tell you what…I wish that my good memories of us were not just within the last couple of years!
My sister asked me about them speaking at the funeral and she said, ‘Are there any good childhood memories of him you can think of that the service director can say?’ Of course my answer was, ‘No …… because there aren’t any!’
Let them have some good memories of you!
Oh. Just in case you were wondering, he never did meet his granddaughter. By the time she was older and I was proud of him, it was too late. He died from poor health due to all the years of the drinking.
So please .. if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children before it’s too late!
Hope this all makes sense and I’m sending you all the love and strength in the world.
Anon
Thank you so much for sharing. If you’re reading this and you need help with a loved one’s addiction…
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